Kneading Time, Finding Strength: A Reflective Look at Year Three of My PhD

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 Somehow, another year has passed.

One of my proudest moments of my academic journey happened this year: I published my first first-author paper. It felt like a long-awaited breadth, a small but mighty reminder that the work I'm doing matters - and that I'm capable of contributing something meaningful to my field. I also had the opportunity to present my work at the TMS conference, where I connected with researchers who challenged and inspired me. I got to attend the Women in Nuclear Conference and meet many amazing women in my field. And in a whirlwind of science and scheduling, I traveled to Idaho to complete a rapid-turnaround experiment. 

But getting there wasn't easy.

This year also brought with it one of the most difficult mental health chapters of my life. I went through a heavy, overwhelming depressive episode that made me feel like I’d never finish my PhD. The pressure, the perfectionism, the isolation - it all felt like too much. And for a while, I believed it was too much. 

But I sought help. I reached out to professionals, to friends, to my support system. I gave myself permission to rest, to not be okay, and eventually - to start again. I leaned hard into the things that remind me I’m more than just my academic output: baking, painting, writing, walking, laughing. Slowly, I began to feel the ground under my feet again.

This year wasn’t perfect. It was painful, beautiful, exhausting, and transformative. It reminded me that progress isn’t always linear, that asking for help is a strength, and that healing can happen even in the cracks of a stressed-out schedule. it taught me that growth often hides in the most difficult moments - and that resilience isn't about being unbreakable. It's about returning to yourself, again and again.

If you’re reading this and you're in that dark place too, please know you’re not alone. And more importantly: it gets better. Not overnight, not magically - but with help, with time, and with grace, it gets better.

Looking ahead, I know the year to come will be intense. Wrapping up a dissertation is no small task. There are still chapters to write, experiments to finish, and probably more moments of panic along the way. But I’m walking into this final stretch with more perspective, more tools, and a whole lot of stubborn hope

Here’s to another year of chasing answers, kneading dough, supporting others, and choosing hope - even when it’s hard. 



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